Increasingly over the past few years, people (those known to me and strangers who feel the need to share) have wanted to talk to me about what life will be like when I fall in love.
You will figure out he is The One in the first conversation.
It will all happen so quickly; the whole story will unfold perfectly.
You will just know.
And, the most common phrase of all,
Soon. He will show up soon.
And, the most common phrase of all,
Soon. He will show up soon.
Perhaps these couples were speaking from their own blissful experience (or perhaps everyone was too influenced by Disney movies as children) but they all saw my potential for romance as so ripe; something that would happen in season and with little effort. They convinced me to wait expectantly each season for my knight in shining armor to ride in and sweep me off my feet.
I am happy to say that my love story has started, just like everyone said it would.
I am also happy to say that everyone was wrong.
Including me.
Ben and I met at the end of an Ash Wednesday service in February 2015.
...Wait, let me back up.
Two years ago, Simon Biasell and I were preparing for an event at Woven. He was sharing about his time at seminary and asked, "Do you know Ben Friesen? I feel like you two would get along really well." I told him I had never met the guy but would probably run into him eventually.
Nearly a year later, when I applied for a position at North Fresno Church, Louisa Tantraphol sent me this text:
It was not love at first sight. For either of us.
We did not just know.
Our first conversation lasted all of thirty seconds.
And it was kind of awkward.
Unbeknownst to the other person, we had cheering squads for Team Ben and Caitlin on both sides. And while that made me more nervous about talking to this guy, it made Ben more resistant to spending time with me.
Which did not make anything happen quickly or seamlessly.
Weeks went by with little more than "Hi"s and head nods between us. We hung out in larger group settings and got to know each other second-hand. I figured out that I liked the guy--as a friend, he was too 'vanilla' to want to date-- and would seek him out at gatherings, sit by him at events, and enjoy his company. He was a nice person.
Everyone kept trying to push us together (in separate conversations) and we kept resisting (in our own unique ways).
Eventually the group we met in in got smaller and smaller. We didn't need as much of a buffer to communicate, as many people around to give in-roads to conversation. Still, I wasn't expecting much beyond having a friend at church and a familiar face at school. I figured he would finish up his time at seminary and move back to Oklahoma and out of my circle and out of everyone's expectations.
I don't know when things changed for me.
Ben claims things changed for him at a Super Bowl party when I tried to give him his coat--by putting it on him, mind you. He fell.
I don't know when I fell. Maybe it was when I gave him his coat. Maybe it was when we talked about cooking during a break at the PDC Conference. Maybe it was when I sat in front of the stage with our kids and listened to him talk about Easter. Maybe it was when we first shook hands.
Whenever it was, I finally realized who I was spending time with:
An intelligent and caring man with a passion for knowing people and understanding God. Someone funny, reserved, and inquisitive. A man who believes in pacifism and seeks shalom, desires justice. Who cheers on the underdog and is fiercely loyal to the people in his sphere. Who can name just about any kind of dinosaur. Whose compassion and integrity always shine through. A steady, wonderful, one-of-a-kind human.
And I was about to let him finish seminary and leave.
So on February Seven, 2016 I asked Ben Friesen out on a date.
I am happy to say that my love story has started, just like everyone said it would.
I am also happy to say that everyone was right.
Including me. And including Ben.
I am happy to say that my love story has started, just like everyone said it would.
I am also happy to say that everyone was wrong.
Including me.
Ben and I met at the end of an Ash Wednesday service in February 2015.
...Wait, let me back up.
Two years ago, Simon Biasell and I were preparing for an event at Woven. He was sharing about his time at seminary and asked, "Do you know Ben Friesen? I feel like you two would get along really well." I told him I had never met the guy but would probably run into him eventually.
Nearly a year later, when I applied for a position at North Fresno Church, Louisa Tantraphol sent me this text:
So I totally have an idea about someone who might be a good dating match for you... He goes to our church, and he goes to seminary, is in the post college group we go to, and legit has a mennonite last name.Three weeks following that text, Ben and I met at the end of an Ash Wednesday service in February 2015.
It was not love at first sight. For either of us.
We did not just know.
Our first conversation lasted all of thirty seconds.
And it was kind of awkward.
Unbeknownst to the other person, we had cheering squads for Team Ben and Caitlin on both sides. And while that made me more nervous about talking to this guy, it made Ben more resistant to spending time with me.
Which did not make anything happen quickly or seamlessly.
Weeks went by with little more than "Hi"s and head nods between us. We hung out in larger group settings and got to know each other second-hand. I figured out that I liked the guy--as a friend, he was too 'vanilla' to want to date-- and would seek him out at gatherings, sit by him at events, and enjoy his company. He was a nice person.
Everyone kept trying to push us together (in separate conversations) and we kept resisting (in our own unique ways).
Eventually the group we met in in got smaller and smaller. We didn't need as much of a buffer to communicate, as many people around to give in-roads to conversation. Still, I wasn't expecting much beyond having a friend at church and a familiar face at school. I figured he would finish up his time at seminary and move back to Oklahoma and out of my circle and out of everyone's expectations.
I don't know when things changed for me.
Ben claims things changed for him at a Super Bowl party when I tried to give him his coat--by putting it on him, mind you. He fell.
I don't know when I fell. Maybe it was when I gave him his coat. Maybe it was when we talked about cooking during a break at the PDC Conference. Maybe it was when I sat in front of the stage with our kids and listened to him talk about Easter. Maybe it was when we first shook hands.
Whenever it was, I finally realized who I was spending time with:
An intelligent and caring man with a passion for knowing people and understanding God. Someone funny, reserved, and inquisitive. A man who believes in pacifism and seeks shalom, desires justice. Who cheers on the underdog and is fiercely loyal to the people in his sphere. Who can name just about any kind of dinosaur. Whose compassion and integrity always shine through. A steady, wonderful, one-of-a-kind human.
And I was about to let him finish seminary and leave.
So on February Seven, 2016 I asked Ben Friesen out on a date.
I am happy to say that my love story has started, just like everyone said it would.
I am also happy to say that everyone was right.
Including me. And including Ben.
