Saying Yes

Sometimes I worry I am not doing life well.

This is one of those times.



Growing up one of my favorite films to watch was the early 90s version of "Father of the Bride." (As a grown-up one of my favorite films to watch is still the early 90s version of "Father of the Bride.") Even as I child, I have always identified with Steve Martin's character, George Banks. He is loving, hard-working, funny, and loses his cool in dramatic ways. He looks like he has it together but is clearly on the brink of disaster as major life events unfold around him. Like George, I could hastily separate unneeded hot dog buns in the supermarket.

As George's inner monologue reflects on the events surrounding his daughter's wedding he keeps restating that all the chaos is worth it--as long as he can kiss the bride at the end of the evening. As fate would have it, he ends up in all the wrong places at the wrong time and has to keep things together behind-the-scenes. Because of all the commotion [SPOILER ALERT] he doesn't get to see his baby girl head out the door and into married life.

Nina, his wife, is shown with a pained expression as the bouquet is tossed down the staircase.

"He missed it."

And I would be lying if I didn't say that is how my life feels this season.




I was diagnosed two summers ago with an intense case of FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out). My most anxious moments come from circumstances where I am unable to see people I love and have experiences I was looking forward to. When I can't attend the celebration or line up my schedule with the visiting friend or make the journey I get completely let down. Not an, "Oh bummer! I was looking forward to that!" let down. An intense realization and frustration that the experience will never happen again, whether good or bad, and I was not a part of it. It makes my heart physically hurt.

This season of my life has been especially painful.

These past few months I have said "No" many more times than I have said "Yes". I have missed important life moments for family and friends. I have given up opportunities to see people that I don't get to spend much time with. I have excused myself from great fun, good conversation, and well-liked Instagram pictures. How many texts have I sent that started with, "I am so sorry but..."?

And for what?

For countless working hours and the things I am involved in at church.
For my family as we support each other through life and health highs and lows.
For my laundry and bills and vacuuming and groceries.
For much-needed sleep.
For my own sanity.

Any person with common sense would point out that these are healthy choices. Saying "No" in these circumstances is usually a wise decision with my body and spirit in mind. In the spirit of 'Self Care' I have to take care of me so I am able to take care of others.

But it is still saying that dirty word--NO.

Saying "No" sometimes feels like I am telling someone I don't appreciate them. Or that I am uninterested in activity outside my office. Or that I am dying. None of these things are true (...usually).

So why miss out on all these great experiences? If they are so important and will be so sorely missed, why not just buck up and say Yes to everything?!  



Maybe I am.

Maybe I am not saying "No" at all.

Maybe I am instead saying "Yes" to the less exciting, less conventional, and less appealing parts of life.

And maybe those "Yes"s will end up being the best choices in the long run. Because they will ensure that I am doing my job fully and loving my family well and allowing me to keep my car and wear clean clothes and eat.

They will make sure I don't end up in jail for grocery aisle meltdowns over hot dog buns.

Yes.